The New Yorker · 5 Nov 2026
Twenty-five Very New, Foolproof Methods to Finally Rid Yourself of Insomnia
Before you go to bed, turn off your phone, set it on the other side of the room, and cancel your Verizon plan. Do not fall for retention offers. Give yourself time to wind down. Blindfold yourself for at least three hours. No water for three days. No human contact for six. Are you tired yet? Imagine yourself on a breezy, beautiful island, surrounded by crystal-clear water filled with piranhas that spare only the sleeping. Here’s a trick that Navy SEALs use: they sleep. Avoid blue light.
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